woken up now
was doing lots of o1 tests sleeping weird schedules so i was drinking to get my mind in the zone to continue focusing it works effectively it’s alcoholism but it does work i used this technique when i did my dissertation forces my mind to focus when it’s drunk
the shower in bathroom is completely fucked and to fix everything, the whole thing will need a remodel, which no one has the money for, so im using this very cheap blue canyon solo II bath mixer attachment it broke so i went to go fix it when i ran into dad
i was drunk so i started feeling my way around theres an interesting relationship we have but hes desperate, like my parents have been for a long time, to make money the problem is that hes an old now for the first time in a long time, he was the first person to openly hear me out as i talked about language models without projecting whatever bullshit they’d heard onto the conversation. in my circle, no one knows more than me about this but every single one of them gets very defensive when i try to update them on what the future will look like because of these models some friends start looking really uncomfortable, others quickly start chanting the linkedin mantra “ai won’t replace people, it will replace people not using ai” and then some somehow believe they know more than they really know and talk about it like the few times they used chatgpt to edit their essay means they’re a master of the universe. theres even one guy who drinks the ai jambajuice and repeats wow WOW the world is gonna change but he doesnt get it either in all cases, i can’t have a true free conversation because it’s either a manic or avoidant. human behaviour is quite funny because these are just the people around me
so, dad is the first person to just listen and ask questions in a long time this guy has hidden money problems and life problems from me my whole life but at times i can speak to him
we gradually moved to talking about investments
as he talked about some of the thousands he’d put in as recently as 2022 because some dodgy indian texted him and all the effort hes going to in order to find money, tears started to fill my eyes it was frustrating to recount those years as a teenager when “i would cry because you and mum were putting thousands into ponzi schemes and pyramid schemes” but i understand how desperate my parents are, so i can’t blame them but for him to still be getting scammed by more and more people under my nose, when i’m an adult, when he could have thrown that money into the S&P this broke me
“we didn’t know” He didn’t know and dad isn’t a man who had the easy life i did to be able to stop and just learn things
this one is on me there was a time people wouldnt let me in but it was my job to pay attention for the time when they would. i siloed myself away from all the problems of my family so i could make movies and there was no adult to step up and take responsibility it took me too long to realise i was the only adult in the room and even if they were always poor at expressing it, to their credit, all the people who labelled me childish and treated me like i’m helpless, they all had their merits
he has the latest iphone now i told him he can install chatgpt from the appstore he didnt know which one was the appstore drunk, i slowly scanned every page, looking for the nondistinct blue appstore icon amongst a stream of coloured icons. finding it, i searched chatgpt scrolling amongst all the clones that would charge my dad money for a product he couldnt afford and installed the official app i let him have a conversation with advanced voice mode he didnt know what to do - how to interact with such a common ui. i told of how i compared the price of kitchen foil in lidl versus sainsbury’s with just my voice he’s the first person i’ve ever seen truly astonished by it all just from its utility he smiled like a father seeing all the potential in his son and said “it’s amazing” dad never properly got the chance for a full education
i explained, in his day he needed to find a place, a library with books in my day, i needed to search online; i could pirate books now, the books are in your phone, everywhere you go, just ask for them
scammers and rug pullers it’s on days like these i want to rape and brutalise them