It was 5am and we were talking up early into the morning and if you know lance vance from gta vice ciry stories on the psp well, Lance Vance calls me a narcissist. He says, maybe when you’re studying these people and you’re always insisting that you can read, that you can see, have you ever considered that you’re just a narcissist who’s comparing yourself to other people constantly to see their faults? And this really, really angered me. on some level I do wonder if i was making myself more angry because I wanted to feel attacked and I was working myself up mentally to be more incensed by what he was saying
But I told him, you know, don’t call me that. i’ve had a lot of people call me that and it’s not true. He said, well, if everyone is calling you something after enough time, then aren’t you that thing? And that irritated me even more.
But I leveled with him because this is something I’ve analysed in myself. I’ve spent a lot of time analysing this in myself. I’ve said this again and again. I’ve had to really reiterate myself and repeat myself to people. And I’m even repeating myself to you.
this is how my mind works. it’s just how I work. I pay attention and then I start to see. Through that, you end up making connections and generalisations and you learn to see, oh, well, actually everyone is much more similar than we, than you’d ever believe. And I’m realising now that for a lot of people, I can’t be that truthful with them when it comes to this, because that is uncomfortable for them to be constantly compared and comparisons made of them to other people and situations, even if I’m in that moment making a connection.
you’re probably wondering why i ever thought this was okay in the first place well, with the people who are really similar to me, they don’t mind the analysis just like i dont mind the analysis and i still sometimes get the ones similar to me confused with the ones exactly like me
But the reason why I do what I do and I observe and I read is because I want people to be better and I want them to improve, because I’ve myself looked into myself and seen. there was a time where I was too shy to dance around people. There was a time where I was too shy to talk to people. And independently, I worked on those things to became a person who loves dancing, a person who loves talking.
And it’s a very communal, human experience to dance. It’s a deeply beautiful thing. The same with talking to people.
it’s a very human thing. Why did I have to train myself to find it more natural to just talk to other humans? And this happens with many different things. But now that I’ve gotten to this point, and as I’ve gotten older, I can see when other people are struggling with the same things that I struggled with.
And I want to help them and I want them to level up. As the famous laoshu50500 would say - may he rest in peace. And after I said this, Lance Vance said, oh, you’re like a teacher. You want to help people. Sensing the lack of Qi in others and sharing yours with them
TRUUUEEEE
the thing about the idea of if everyone else believes it, or everyone else is seeing this thing in you, so it’s probably true. The problem with this that I have now more than ever, is that we live in a world where every single one of us is living a lie. And we’re doing things we hate for goals that we don’t really want to attain things that we don’t care about.
And every single one of us is doing this. And you want me now, at this point in my life, to believe that with all of this in mind, and all of the lies I see people constantly tell themselves every day, that I should then go and listen to them and their judgments of me.
If everyone in the world can live a lie, how can I expect them to see the truth? You know, this is something I realized later on, as I was thinking about it. But at the time, the thing that hurt me was that I felt interrogated, I felt judged by my friend. And part of this, I’m sure is my holdovers from other many experiences of being labeled these things. But I was interrogated, and I had to prove my innocence in that conversation. I had to prove no, I’m not that guy.
And I “successfully” pulled it off. but I don’t know if deep down, there’s this feeling he has where he believes oh, this fucking guy, he, this is what he does. He just goes around analysing. Another friend said, I treat people like homework. He said, not everyone is homework to be studied.
And I’m not going to go into all of that. Because it’s not critical to - it’s just more complaining. And this is also one of the things that I struggle with. Again, there’s a lot of struggles in here. I struggle with when I’m talking to you, I don’t want necessarily to talk about negative things or things that aren’t solutions. Or even too much about people So I was really actually thinking on whether or not to do this or not. But i believe you seeing that even if i recognised problems, it didn’t ever mean the solutions were just as easy. that they resolved just that quickly.
All of this is to say that I’ve been a bit vague about what I’m doing now. But my big realization is that everything in the world and everything we do is interconnected from the family to the home to the school, to the job, work, career, sex, relationships.
Lance Vance said something funny; it wasn’t actually funny. it was profound. He said that everyone has daddy issues or mummy issues. And I thought on this for a second.
It’s like, well, no, not everyone has daddy or mommy issues. This is what I thought in my head. But truthfully, everyone does.
Because this world is so connected. if we go down to the root, which is the family and the community, it’s been completely disfigured. And so everyone grows up, not feeling enough love, never feeling enough human connection.
People go to private schools, they are sent to other countries to study. I myself, I remember interacting with the father of someone else and in that time I hung out with their father, I had more connection with their father than I’ve had in my entire life with my own father. And so I’m not someone who I’d say even has particular daddy issues I’ve overcome mine, and yet this dawned on me just now how incredible. i spent a week there the way he would pat me on the back, the way he would touch me, and there was a camaraderie and acknowledgement. He wouldn’t even talk to me that much. We’d talk, small chit-chat from time to time. Yet, I’d never had that with my dad.
And so we live now in a situation where everyone goes through some level of this, and with both parents.
And there’s certain attitudes towards men or boys when we grow up and when we first get that proper feeling of testosterone. And we want sexual connection with women, with girls. We want romantic relationships. And there’s also confusion there and completely conflicting ideas. In fact, just straight wrong ideas provided to us; telling us we’re innately wrong. Same for all the girls.
But all of this is connected. And what I realise now is I have a chance to set the record straight. And I now have figured out all of the problems, and some of the solutions and better ways that we can shape our lives going forward.
the ultimate effect of all of this is that all the depression, all of the mental illness, all of the loneliness, the birth rate problems, problems of education, problems of work and meaning, those will all be fixed by the end of all this. Well, they won’t be fixed because I won’t, just by talking about them, be fixing them. But I will have proposed real, tangible solutions to all of these problems.
And not just that, but I now also see a path where in this current present day, where we now have robotics, we have artificial general intelligence and artificial super intelligence that will outthink us as humans. We have a perfect golden opportunity to align ourselves where any economic changes that we now are going to have to go through, because all of this stuff, we can’t - can’t, there’s no stopping it now. It’s just going to happen. But any economic changes we make going forward, we can at the same time make huge improvements and just turn around everything. We can completely turn the world to a better way.
And this is what I meant by I’m going to save the world, but also this is what has also frustrated me, knowing all of this and talking to people and seeing this even from when I was younger and internalizing all of this, this understanding, because we’ve all, on a primal level, we all recognize, shit, the world is just not quite right. This doesn’t feel, this feels wrong. And seeing when I go online, this is now something that I’m judging a lot of people on. a lot of people in spaces and communities online where I thought they were smart people and I thought they were people who had the best interests of everyone else at heart. When I see them get involved in petty arguments that are downstream of the fundamental issue that needs to be solved, it really irritates me because they know, I know they’re smart enough to know that yapping about why is the birthrate low for the 16th time this year is not going to solve the birthrate problem. or yapping about why women are single and lonely or why men are killing themselves. It’s just called engagement and you get money from it. And it seems there’s a lot of people who, now I’m wondering what the hell are they in this for, because they’re not trying to find a solution.
And I don’t think I’ve really ran into much of nearly anyone who’s tried to find a real tangible solution. These are very, very minority people in the minority.
But anyway, this is what I’m working on. It’s causing me some anxiety. There’s definitely a little bit, but it’s causing me some, because I’m excited to get working on it, but this is going to be a video series. A huge issue i realised is I can’t upload 10 years of life experience into someone’s brain. I’ve experienced this in conversation where i desperately wished i could because all that context would make everything so much easier
but this is the beauty of cinema.
And what I’ve been studying for these years and been doing, is that in a short amount of time, you can tell stories and get people to understand and connect with things. So I need to distill all this information in a way where people are like, Oh, fuck, He’s right.
but the hugest most biggest one is to not sound like spiritual awakening guru. i hate to drag my boy frank yang under the bus but as he went deeper into his journey of non-duality, the one thing he lost was his ability to connect to people on the lower levels of understanding. his videos are completely googoocrazy to anyone normie - which is fine for his people. but something like that, where i can’t appeal to the everyday normal person, would go against everything i’m trying to achieve.
my father grew up in a place where he had to watch his father get murdered for political reasons i grew up in a place where my father would shout at me when he hit me, telling me he would hit me harder if i were to cry and it’s not enough that my children grow up with a father who loves every part of them, but the children of every man must grow up with all that love for any of this to be worth it.