so i’m in this bar with a table of really childlike skibidi 19/21 yr olds but they behave lower than that. in amongst this group is a guy my age. he’s the first time i’ve met a compulsive liar. i know why my buddy chooses a girl who has friends like this but anyway the bar is very empty, apart from us 6 and a drunken australian guy keeps coming up to us evidently, we’re the only human entertainment in the bar, so everyone is drawn to us his drunken japanese friend keeps coming to try and get him away from us but these fucking australians don’t know when to stop so my friend, after a lot of sighs, figures out the right combination of words to get him to go away
this doesnt stop a different australian guy from joining our table - he didnt know the other australian guy but this one is much more quiet and obviously gay, so he gets the pass to be tolerated
as we drink more & more from this singular bucket of alcohol we’re all slurping from with straws we keep accidentally sharing, he gets more comfortable
now, i’m a friendly guy, so a lot of gay guys seem drawn to me. i think it’s because im black and not repulsed by them but also because im kind of twinky
because our friend went to use the loo, gay guy can sit directly next to me, and i have to reluctantly let him in hes drunk but not dodgy. and im not trying to be rude so i occasionally pull him into the conversation that i dont care about he was one of those annoying neoliberal types that say “nooo, you caaan’t saaay thaaaat” to anything slightly offkilter a killer of kool konversation
he gets so comfortable that at some point he playfully slaps me in the back you know how girls hit you on the arm “stooooopppppp” or “stop iiitttt” he did the gay version of that which was just smacking me HARD in the back and it fucking hurt like it was doable but it was just painful enough to wake me up
in this moment, two things became clear to me this guy is getting closer and more interested in me. hes flirting.
and this guy is so much bigger than me, he can do anything to me
maybe it’s because ive been sitting down the whole time and didnt recognise his height and build but he’s about 183 cm, but wellbuilt, eats wells, poops well, and works out moderately his hawaiian shirt was obscuring his true build
remember the drunken japanese guy? he came back to ask if gay guy was bothering us. we said “no”. but that was before he placed his hand on my back kek
men only ever think of physical violence when amongst other men. it seems it takes a bigger drunken gay guy to be around you to do the calculation of how easily he could subdue and violently rape you
with his weightclass, which after i did a true calculation, makes him 4 weightclasses above me, in 9 out 10 cases, he wins and enters me the 1 case where i win is because i always like to consider myself lucky
because i know the weight and size, even with the 5 other people on this table, from how he slapped me on my back, the girls would be useless of course, and while the guys i dont think are pussies, if push comes to shove, youd be surpised how much damage a big enough man can do to other men who are equally incentivised to go undamaged
we’d already dispatched of one australian, and now we had this mopey, lonely, solo-traveller, “have u ever had korean bbq alone? - it’s not meant to be had alone”-guy.
felt a few % bad for him. now i know why some girls give sympathy blowjobs; we live in a lonely world. But he shouldnt have travelled alone because that is gay.
the guy couldnt really take the hint that he wasnt wanted so the night went on, and i took many photos, we all danced, it was very fun he was getting very handsy with my friend’s girl - all around her waist and her midpiece but hes gay so it goes
this reminds me of the time i was drunk in shoreditch after a night out with my 1st fan and a coworker
i call her my 1st fan because at my 1st exhibition she told me how much she loved my movie, we chatted for some minutes about it, we worked together as coworkers on a bunch of other projects, and on this night she bought me a drink because she viewed me as the younger brother
for whatever reason though, ive messaged her a few times since to do something because we had some good conversations - but she answered with abrupt responses the first time and the next 2 times she just ignored me
hurt my feelings. dont know if she thought i was trying to fuck her - some girls have that thought. or if she is going through something - i cant help her if she never answers. or if shes unsure of my intentions - i cant let her know if she never asks.
anyway, as that night in shoreditch came to an end, and she and the other one went home, i walked down through the street on that friday night with my whisky in my takeaway cup, stopping to sit at the steps of eataly, 135 bishopsgate. Those are nice steps
near me were some young Urban youth i had my camera, because this was the time of my life where my documentary sigma, was still actively being shot so when these drunken white girls came by, and the young Urban youth started chirpsing them, i recorded it with my camera. i still have it. and they saw me do it.
just before that, i was asking the boys if people in their age group still listen to grime. he gave a rather introspective answer on the state of Urban music genres.
still a bit drunk, still sipping my whisky, still enjoying the london night, the boys invited me with them, since they were going somewhere - i obliged.
it was when we walked down the street, and the 5 Urban youth encouraged me to follow them to a street off the main road, with minimal light, that i remembered the olympus omd camera, my phone, wallet, that i was dressed middleclass, that these were 5 boys all within my weightclass, but 5 boys nonetheless - it would be a bloodbath, and i had no place following some Urban youth down an alley
so i waved goodbye, walked to the busstop, and got the bus home. it took such a long time that they later got on my bus too