the difficult thing about the “man bad” era of leftist politics, which still traumatises me, is that i was told all throughout my teen years that i was evil because of my biology
online and offline
that me and everything like me is inherently dangerous
let’s pretend for a second that you’re black, and so u have black family, black friends, and so on. all of them are nice and good people
BUT ON THE TELLY, THEYRE EVIL STABBERS, RAPERS, AND WOMAN ABUSERS, IMPREGNATORS AND LEAVERS, LIARS AND DECEIVERS
i can police my family, i can encourage my friends, but i cant control the guy who lives in stevenage, and i cant be responsible for him - not in the way you’re thinking
So over 20 years, the idea has crept deep into the standard basis of modern popular good politics The idea that man = bad in every single way man toxic manosphere
now, you can tell me you’ve bad experiences thats good; share your pain im here
you can ask for support thats good; get help from me
but the new normal is I’m regularly demeaned and belittled by women in all conversations regarding the female experience, in spite of listening and talking to women consistently about issues specific to them, reading and educating myself in literature promoted by them
never given a chance to prove myself to be what they call “an ally”
the cringe thing about all this was, while they focused on the negative experiences of women, and that became their entire perspective
my yearn to learn meant my perspective covered so much of the spectrum of experience, so i came know so many things that when i got to them, there were things i could see that they had yet to even discover about themselves
amongst all this amongst the fact this could unlock a door to genuine deep conversations that brought the knowledge of my listening to many women, combined with the experience and understanding of life as a man,
what happened instead being repeatedly crushed in any topic to do with women whatsover - something i’d never do if the roles were reversed - because it’s okay not to know - and i love to mansplain
one especially interesting experience was when i was talking about the potential for violence to just happen amongst men. In bars, at events, and so on. And after heated explanation of all the instances where other men forced physical threats on me, and many other men, in situations we had to move the heavens to at least deescalate, i was told i was wrong. Then I was told by that woman, the most-dear-to-me woman in my life, that I shouldn’t be animated in how I speak about my experiences because it looks like I believe I have it harder than women.
in film school, from the very beginning, i tried to work with everyone who was really motivated
one such person i spoke to after the first project to congratulate on what they did she was really good i could tell she was competent and serious about her work so i told her as much told her id love to work with her on a project
nothing ever materialised
i tried to message her one time, since we’re in the same class, but i could sense there was a distance she was trying to keep i asked her if she was free during the summer, if i could keep in touch because i’ll be working on writing projects, and id love for her to do the cinematography she said shed be focusing on family & friends that summer, so she wouldnt be able to commit ahead of time
it was friendly conversation to be honest
but i could sense she at the same time really wasnt interested for her own reasons
fine. didnt take it too personally
now it’s Final year.
im sitting on a bench, talking with a different girl on my course shes also really good these two girls were the top 2 (my ranking) on the course for caring deeply about what they create
i told her that i loved her graduation film i was glazing she loved the compliments
then i inquired
“oh, but i wish we worked together at some point. Why didnt we ever get to do something?”
she says
“i dont work with male directors”
nonchalant
excluded every guy from ever working with her in the directors role
just. like. that.
the truth is 70% of the girls on my course were like this
it was the default, and the ones who didnt prescribe to this ideology, were either non-western students, or just above the bullshit
and over the years, it quickly became established that as a guy you would be excluded from working with literally half the course unless you were either gay, or you dated one of them and u definitely didnt want to do the second one so u had to be feminine-coded to survive
any traditional guy, no matter how harmless, was deemed a zero day social threat
i never had a chance and it’s funny i tried for 3 years
theres lots of stories and lots of metaphors and anecdotes and i can talk about how painful it is for the discrimination to stack as u increasingly get excluded from the things
first by being a nigger
then by being male
and even how callously the white guys were also treated
ideology shouldnt come before humans but do they even know that it’s just ideology?
algorithmically brain raped in a day, you’ll be captured by 100 stories about 100 different girls 100 different ways for you to learn how a girl can be raped by the end of days’ internet sessions, served up to get your heartrate jumping and your blood vessels boiling you’re creatively equipped to fear every interaction with every male the experiences of you, your friends, your mum, your grandmum add them all up dont leave the house never go for a run the world is a hostile place i’ll do the same
pound4pound, most experiences ive had with women are deeply negative last month, in whitechapel, i held my phone out gesturing my map, trying to ask a woman where a place was i said “hello, do you-”
she said “hello” and continued walking
when i count the number of young women who’ve treated me with contempt, it’s most of my interactions with women that 10 minute first contact is defined by contempt, until i’ve proven myself safe
imagine that. at least 51% of all interactions being treated with contempt
all the ones who treated me with respect are good friends
thinking on it now, the social climate is so brutal
just so bad
if a girl hits puberty, and she becomes a “sexual object” a boy hits puberty, and he becomes a sexual predator
my girlfriend only became my girlfriend because she was simply neutral to me and thats all it took
most interactions are so mean, i get suprised when someone is friendly enough to say hi back their careful vigilant eyes heed my meiotic roar showing no vas deferens
i somehow grew up in a world moulded for every woman to distrust every man this is how every western born boy grows up
i have a friend, a devout muslim she’s never hugged me because i’m a man in her religion, the sexes are separated once married, couples explore things like sex together in the masjid, the women have womens’ spaces and discuss sex matters relating to their bodies as well as intimacy with their husbands
it sounds nice. logical. structured.
in modern London, a man and woman can’t speak to one another unless drunken and when drunken, it’s common for them both to have messy, confusing, often boundary crossing, sex they encourage this for your first time, and many times after when you’re 18 sometimes in a new country with various different other messy and confused partners
sounds nice.
embarrasingly obviously shit ideology dont worry too much, though these are just things and in the end, things all figure out when people make changes